What will Never Die
by Newsgirl29
Summary: Twelve years have passed and Gabi has moved on with her life and found her calling as counselor for troubled teenage girls. Antonio has returned to the States after ten years in South America. They must learn about what time did not kill between them.
1. Prolouge

**Prologue: **

One can be surprised at how your life can changed in twelve years. Twelve years ago I was in surrounded by the love of two men, brothers. I was married to one man that I loved, but I now see it was a pragma kind of love a practical love. Because the brother that truly loved was forbidden to me, he was a priest. My feelings for him were stronger; he was my best friend. Now I when I look back, I know that my husband should have been my best friend. My priest our love was an unconditional, and with more passion then I even knew then. I know this now, since that love for the priest has not gone away even after I left them both over a decade ago it is still there and only stronger. I left the small California beach town of Sunset Beach and my husband Ricardo and the love of my life Antonio, my true love. I Gabriella Martinez left the only place I had at that point in my life had called home and in some ways always will. But if you believe your home is where your heart is and my heart will forever be with Antonio. I did start down a new road in my life that day one of the nuns at the mission that Antonio served at told me of a recover and reform school for teenage girls "San Dwynwen's : La casa del corazón solitario" was looking for a secretary/ dorm mother. I got the job and moved to northern California in Alpine County, far from all I loved and started a new life.

It was at San Dwynwen I found my calling as counselor working alongside the Ursuline Sisters. It was Reverend Mother Trinity Rain, who encouraged me go to college and then grad school and to get my PhD. in Psychology to help my girls even more and I became Dr. Gabi. My life has settled in carrying for many girls, who pasts are like my own in so many ways. San Dwynwen' s is not just a school but a fully functioning Ranch and Orchard, where everyone from youngest student to the oldest sister works to keeps thing running. It's here I have learned to do everything from riding horseback and learning what fruit can grow where to chopping wood and mucking stales. This school has become my life in the day light, but when I close my eyes at night my dreams go back to that night when I thought I would die. When Antonio and I gave into our passions and made love. I still can feel his strong arms around me, the taste of lips on my, his skin on my skin, his sent seems to be on every wind, the sound of his voice as he said the words that hunted me to this day, '_The one thing that will never die ever is the way I feel about you, I love you Gabi and I always will no matter what,'_ I know now Antonio is my soul mate.


	2. Chapter: One Feb 9, 2012 late afternoon

**Chapter: One – Feb 9, 2011 late afternoon **

On the anniversary of that night I always go to our little chapel and confess to the priest, about my lust and longing for Antonio. We have a new priest here San Dwynwen after we lost old Father Thomas to cancer four months ago. It will be my first time with this new priest a man, who only arrived this morning was sent over by the archdioceses. I go to the far corner where dark wooden confessional with well worn red velvet kneeler and hand carve crucifix by the first Reverend Mother here at San Dwynwen, it is located in the chapel. I see the door is closed on one side and see that the other side is free being that it is late in the afternoon most of the girls are off doing their chores. I know my six girls, who were on their free week were the vegging out by the fire place in our cabin till dinner. I kneel and cross myself as the screen is lifted up I say, "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was four months ago."

"It is understandable why it has been so long, confess your sins my child," a familiar male voice answered. (It can't be him, I have not seen him in twelve years since, Michael and Vanessa's and Meg and Ben's wedding. It's just my subconscious longing for him even after all this time,) I thought as held on to my rosary so tightly my knuckles were white.

"My child is everything alright, "the new priest asked.

"Father please, forgive me I have sinned. I am in love with man I can never have. Who is forbidden to me to any woman," I continue with my confession trying to put the voice out of my mind.

"How long have you been in love with him?" The new priest asks.

"Thirteen years father," I answer.

"Does this man return your feelings?" The Priest asked.

"Yes, Father, he did I don't know if he does still," I answer.

"Did you ever make love with him?" The Priest asked.

"Yes, Father, we thought we going to die after a bomb explosion trapped us in a collapsing building," I confessed.

"Why is he forbidden to you?" He asked.

"He was brother in-law, but more he was a Priest, he hunts my dreams Father. I have tried to stop loving him and start over with someone different, but every time I have tried, but I can't help but compare them to him and my love grows stronger and I only realize that he is my soul mate," I answer as the tears come like they always do.

"Gabi, you are not the only one who is still hunted by dreams and my feelings have not changed," He said as he looked over at me.

"Antonio," I breathed as looked through the tightly carved screen only to see the dark espresso brown eyes that have hunted me for so long.

"Dr. Gabi!" Sammie, a short girl with fire red hair and a blue streak in her hair and freckles, who has ADHD, one of my girls in my cabin shouted as she came running in the chapel.

"What is it Sammie?" I asked in a calmest tone I could muster as I stepped out of the confessional, knowing she would only interrupt my confession if it was important.

"Ash is having another panic attack and it's bad," Sammie stated quickly as Antonio came out the confessional. "Are you the new priest, if you are your hot for an old guy," Sammie let out with thinking.

"Yes, I am Father Antonio Torres," Antonio answered I could tell he was caught off guard by Sammie remark.

"Sammie what have said about thinking before you speak," I said as wiped the tears from my face.

"Count to twenty five before I say anything," Sammie answered as I motioned for us to go.

"Gabi is everything alright?" Antonio asked me ignoring Sammie comment now.

"Yes, Antonio everything is fine but have to go now," I answered as walked out of Chapel. (It's him, how can it be him, I can't do this again. Gabi just remember that the girls come first.) I think as I close my eyes. _("Gabi, you are not the only one who is still hunted by dreams," Antonio whispers from the other side of the confessional. "Antonio," I whisper as the door opens. "You are the love of my life, my soul mate and I should never let you go," Antonio says as he pulls me into his arm pushing me into the back small room. "Antonio, leaving was hardest thing I have ever done," I whisper as I take him in and he has not changed at all. "I will never leave you or let you go again," He says and then he kisses me, his lips tastes the same like coffee and citrus. His lips trail down my neck and I breathe in his scent of candle smoke, spice and male. "Gabi our love will never die,") _I open my eyes and I am at my cabin that I share with my girls. Antonio was behind Sammie and me, following us. _(Focus, Gabi. Ash needs you now,)_ I reminded myself in my thoughts.

"Ash, what's wrong?" I ask the sun bleached blonde haired and blue eyed teenage surfer girl, who was shaking all over and breathing rapidly, I saw the vomit on the floor and could tell that this was more sever attack she has had in weeks.

"It's my fault that they are dead," Ash, answered in between breaths. "I should have died with them,"

"Are you reacting to something that happened today or something in the pass?" I asked her in calm but firm voice.

"I should have never answered that stupid text and Josh and Ally would still be here, "Ash answered quickly her panicked tone becoming more evident by the moment.

"How about we walk to the lake before dinner," I asked since I suspected my cell phone had gone off in my room and with the fire in the fireplace had set off this attack and getting her out of here would be the best thing for her. "Meadow did my phone ring while I was out," I asked a Latina gothic with long jest black hair.

"Yes, it kept going off while you were in prayer in the chapel," Meadow answered.

"Ash do you want to go for a walk," I asked her again she shook her head yes. "Come on let's go down to the lake," I encouraged as I started leading her out the room.

"I was the designated driver and I had not even been drinking at all, and I was just checking who it was and was only to find out about Mamma, that while I was partying she died without saying good bye, I should have died with them so I could be with them," Ash said as she vented.

"It was not your cell that was ringing today it was mine; students are not allowed cell phones during the week," I reminded her as we walked out the door and I saw Antonio standing in the on the other side of the campus road at the head of the trail that leads up the chapel. "Ash your Mamma loved you and she would want you to be living a full life. God has a great plain for you'll see, you never know what coming down the road," I told her. "Ash, how about we see if we can count our breaths I'll even breathe with you," I asked as we kept walking away from him.

"Alright," Ash agreed as we stopped walking and turned to face me, I could see Antonio watching from behind Ash off a good way.

"Breathe in 1…2…3, hold it, now breathe out 1…2…3, good, good, now breath in again 1…2…3, hold it, breathe out 1…2…3, very good lets go up to four now, breathe in Ash 1…2…3…4 wonderful, breath out 1…2…3…4," I instructed her in her breathing and she started to calm down and the attack was ending.

"How about we go meet the new priest, Father Antonio, he is a very old friend of mine and I think that you will like him very much," I asked her and she nodded yes with a weak smile.

"Father Antonio, would you like to meet one of our students," I speak up so he can hear me as I motion for him to come over.

"I would love to Gabi," Antonio agrees with same bright smile that turns my knees into putty.

"Father Antonio Torres, this Ashley Miller more commonly known as Ash, she like you comes from Sunset Beach," I introduced them, Antonio did almost look the same as he did all those years ago, he had a few more laugh lines around his eyes and the slighted dash of gray coming in at his temples which only made him more handsome.

"Good to meet you Ash," Antonio greeted Ash as he extended his hand to her.

"It's nice to meet you Father Antonio, are you related to Benjy Evans," Ash asked as she weakly took his hand and quickly let it go.

"Yes, I am he is my nephew are you two friends," Antonio asked as he looked over at me.

"Yes," Ash answered quietly as she looked at her feet as the dining hall bell rang for our evening meal.

"Father Antonio, that would the dinner bell, so how about we head up to the dining hall," I asked quickly changing the topic since, I did know if Antonio knew that Benjy was suppose to have been in the car with Ash and her friends when crash happened.

"That sounds wonderful," Antonio agreed as we walked up the hill.


	3. Chapter 2: Feb 9, 2012 Evening

**Chapter: Two Feb 9, 2012 Evening**

_(Gabi, your feelings have never changed and nor have mine. The facts have not changed I am a priest and called serve God. Oh Holy Father, I have been struggling with my thoughts of what path I should take, since I have returned to north America from Argentina, I have questioned issue of celibacy since I was there to the point of asking for a sign for what path I should take. That is why have spent the last twelve years questioning my vows and studying out what the Bible says about them. Father, is this a sign, of Gabi and that she still loves me,)_ I thought and prayed as I followed Gabi and Ash up the hill to the schools dining hall. _(Gabi you have not changed one bit, you're still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and to see that you have become a counselor, a doctor and these girls are your life, you have found a way to serve God,_) I thought as Gabi's other girls that were in her cabin joined us a stream of white and navy blue and denim in work boots or ridding boots. _(Gabi, what was that confession about, you are still in love with me... Antonio you never lied to her on your feelings but you cannot have a relapse of twelve years ago, even if you are questioning the Churches reason for your vows they are still there, but if she is the sign that you should leave the order to serve the Lord or to just leave the church and join the another church,)_My mind raced I as we came upon the dining hall. _(God, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I believe that and I know that that you will not tempt me beyond what I can bare, she still hunts my dreams, but you have called me to this life I lead, for the moment I still am a priest and that she is off limits, until you show me Your path for me,)_ I prayed as I stepped through doors of the dining hall, the Reverend Mother spots me from across the room and motions for me to sit with her.

"Father Antonio, I hope you first afternoon at school, has not been that eventful," Rev. Mother Trinity greeted me.

"No, had a very good introduction to what your ministry is her at San Dwynwen," I gave her a truthful answer, as the girls went and gathered their dinner and the dishes for every table and set each one, for a family style meal.

"I heard what happened with Ash, you'll soon learn that is normal here. As you know every girl has some sort of challenge that only God can heal, but he placed us here to help in ways by showing them His grace," Rev. Mother Trinity explained to me, as she lead me to where Gabi and her cabin was sitting. "Each Cabin eats as a family with their Dorm Mom, helps grow unity and allows for agape love to be truly shown and experienced, that many of this girls don't get at home. I encouraged us who serve that are not dorm parents to dine with students and dorm parents." Rev. Mother Trinity told me as looked me in the eye. "Father Antonio, make it a point to be noisy and know everyone who serves here with me and just so you know; I do know about you and Dr. Gabi had once very close relationship, the very relationship that should not have happened in the manner it did, but I truly believe Christ gave us the gift of love and showed us the greatest gift of love and when we find it here we should be grateful for it. I say this if you are bitter about what happen please remember that Christ loved you first a poor hopeless sinner let the girls here see only the love of Christ in you, and not a bitter priest," She explained quietly in a whisper to me as girls were finishing setting their tables with the food from the kitchen.

"You have nothing to wary about Rev. Mother, my falter was my choice, God gave us free will and I have accepted my folly and I have no regrets only mistakes but it's what you do with what you have learn. Both of us have learned to work together before and I know we can again. I promise it is only Christ love you will see as best as feeble human can show only through the grace of God," I answered my respect for this woman was growing, in her mamma bear mentality that she is a protector.

"That is all any of us can do, now would you care to join me with Dr. Gabi and her girls for dinner," Rev. Mother Trinity asked me with a big warm smile.

"I would love to," I agreed as she led the way to their table set up for nine.

"May we join you Primrose cabin," Rev. Mother Trinity asked the table of girls who welcomed us with opened arms, all but one of the girls a gothic girl no more than fourteen years old who looked almost familiar. "Primrose let me introduce you to our new priest, Father Antonio," She introduced me as I helped into her chair and I take my sit at the head of the table.

"Hello, Primrose is it," I greeted them but my eyes travel to Gabi sitting at the opposite end of the table as me.

"Yes, Father Antonio we are the Primrose cabin as I am sure Rev. Mother told you ever cabin is named after a flower for their meanings. Now would you please do us the honor of blessing the meal," Gabi asked.

"All you need do is ask Gabi, shall we pray," I agreed as I bowed my head and folded my hands as the others join me. "Thank you God for all the many blessings and love you have placed before us now among our friends and family, we thank you for this food and the hands that made it. In the Fathers name Amen," I finished the prayer as I crossed myself as the table echoed amen and food started to be passed around. "So how about some introductions, I know Ash and Sammie so I am minus four of your names, "I asked trying to makes some small talk as dinner was passed around.

"I'm Lydia Carter, "A bright eyed brunet greeted with smile who sat next the Rev. Mother on my left.

"My name is Mia Carlos," The girl with dreadlocks on Lydia's left greeted.

"Camila Rodriguez, we all happy you are here Father," A girl with light blue bandana in her hair who was on Gabi's right. There was a pause at the table from the girl who looked somewhat familiar the gothic girl who was sitting on my right.

"Meadow Stevens," She greeted me with a look of bitterness and cool tone, that reminded me of Mamma.

"Father Antonio, how do you know Dr. Gabi?" Sammie asked as took roll from the bread basket.

"Well Gabi and I knew each other when we both lived in Sunset Beach, and she was married my brother for a short time and we became very good friends," I answered truthfully.

"Does that mean…" Sammie started to say something when got what must have been a kick from Meadow under the table. The meal was finished with the Rev. Mother doing most the talking. When it was finished I knew I had to talk to Gabi and finish her confession.

"Do wish to finish your confession," I asked Gabi as everyone was leaving the dining hall.

"We do need to talk; I'll meet you in the chapel in few minutes." Gabi agreed as escorted her girls out.


	4. Chapter 3: Feb 9, 2012 Late Evening

**Chapter 3: Feb 9, 2012 latter in the evening**

_(What are you doing Gabi, finishing your confession even if he understands how you feel knowing no matter how much you love each other nothing can or will come of it. Gabi you can do this sit and talk to him he was your best friend for three years. We use to talk for hours on ever topic under the sun, why am I scared to sit down and just talk with him. Why does it feel like things are different than before?) _I questioned myself as walked up to the chapel. _(All I have to do is walk through those doors, and face the man I have loved for thirteen years and knowing his feelings have not changed, but that also means nothing will happened we can just talk and catch up,)_ I reminded myself as come to the double doors of the chapel. _(Remember Antonio is a priest and my friend and its time that we restore our friendship,)_ I remind myself and enter through the doors and my eyes fall on his broad shoulders and strong arms and I remember how they feel around me.

"Gabi," Antonio greeted me as his eyes meet mine with the smile that brings out his dimples and went striate to his eyes and striate to my heart.

"Antonio," I greeted him with smile as I walked towards him.

"Of all the places to find each other," Antonio said as I come up to him at the front of the chapel.

"It is small world, and only getting smaller," I responded as I come up to the pew he was standing next to as looked up to him reminding me how much taller he was than me. I have stopped wearing high heels and miniskirts, since they are not the most practical in the mountains or on a ranch, but finally to be standing next to him after so long it was a little over whelming.

"Gabi, how have you been?" Antonio asked as motioned for me to sit in pew that he had been sitting in when I came in.

"Do you want the long or short answer since it's been over a decade since we last talked, "I asked as I sat down next to him.

"Whichever you want Gabi," Antonio stated with his mischief's smile that always could brighten my day.

"Well the longer version has me moving her after Michael and Vanessa and Ben and Meg's wedding, after Sister Bertrille recommended that San D. needed a new sectary/ Dorm Parent. And then I found my calling here to help girls with past just like mine. It was also at that time I was convicted when I saw yours and Ricardo's relationship nearly fall apart I knew that needed to make things right with Paula, so I tracked her down begged her give me a second chance. What's wild she did give me that second chance and we were able to repair relationship," I answered him.

"So that's how you got here, but when we last talked you were not Dr. Gabi," Antonio asked.

"Well I found it in online college had three for one deal and thought I should go for it," I told him with a smirk.

"Three for one not bad, but really how did it come about?" He asked me.

"Well, I wanted to make more of an impact her with the girls and the Rev. Mother encouraged me to go back to college so finished my B.S. online and then went to the University of Nevada in Reno since it was the closest to us and got MS and then my PhD. Counseling I finished about four years ago and have not looked back since," I finished. "And what have you been up to Antonio?" I asked him.

"After I saw you last I was placed in Argentina where I have been working in a small parish about a day outside Buenos Aires living a quiet life and severing God, pretty boring compared to your story but it been a good life," Antonio answered.

"So why did you come back Antonio?" I asked him seeing that there was something he was not telling me.

"Mamma is not doing so well she has breast cancer and the doctors say it fifty present chance that she will make it but that it would be best if all of her children were close and eight hours away was as close I could make it," Antonio finished, I could see fear and pain in his eyes of little boy who did not want to lose his mamma.

"I am so sorry Antonio, Meg told me Carmen had cancer but I had no idea was that bad," I sympathized with him. "If I know Carmen she will fight for her life, as much as she fought not have me as a part of your family, but I as a child who has had to sit and watch her own mother die, I know that there is not much I can say, but I am sorry," I said as placed my hand on his to comfort him.

"Thanks Gabi, do you wish to finish your confession," He asks me as moves his hand from mine with a light squeeze.

"I confess about us ever year on this day, not because I regret my feelings for you or what happened between us, but because I have not been able to move on pass them, even if I have tried. I have gotten over Ricardo, but not you Antonio and I don't know why. My mind tells me it not healthy but heart will not let go. I know nothing will ever happen and before you tell me you want to be happy. Know I am happy Antonio, in my work and raising my nice and most of all serving God here by helping the girls," I answer him about confession.

"Gabi, I understand about not being able to let go of our love, but what about you're nice and what happened to Paula?" Antonio asks in shock.

"I should restate that our nice Meadow Stevens is Ricardo's daughter but he does not know that, not that I don't want to tell him but Meadow does not want anything to do with him, and to answer what happened to Paula, she was killed by a drunk driver four years ago. Elaine had stage four ovarian cancer and knew she would not live long so she made me Meadow's guardian and she passed away a few months later," I told Antonio.

"Meadow is Ricardo daughter, why did Paula never tell him," Antonio asked anger coming out in his tone.

"Paula did come back right before I left Sunset Beach, but you and I were in jail for Ricardo's 'death' and when the truth came out she was so mad she left without anyone knowing she had even been in town and that was his lowest point and I don't blame her for not wanting anything to do with him, but that is now water under the bridge, but Meadow only sees Ricardo as a dead beat dad, who didn't care about her mother which both you and I know is not true. Ricardo has turned his life around he went law school became lawyer and has been married for now ten years to Amanda English and they have two kids or a lest that what I have heard from Meg," I answered him.

"Meadow knows who I am; that I am her uncle and that is why I got the cold shoulder," Antonio stated as he got up and started to pace the floor.

"Yes, that would be why. I want her to meet Ricardo, but I don't know how to tell him he has a teenage daughter," I confessed him.

"Well she might not have a choice he going to be coming up here this weekend or next; when I requested an emergency transfer I did not know where I was going to be placed only in California, so I sent my things to Ricardo in Sunset Beach," Antonio stated as he stopped passing.

"Antonio I know this a lot to take in and we have an early morning so I will let you be," I said as I stood to leave.

"Gabi, I'm sorry I am very happy to see you again have missed you every day when I did not see your smile in morning, and I knew it was still only in my dreams hurt more than I can say, "Antonio said as looked down into my eyes with same love from so long ago.

"I missed you too; leaving you Antonio was the hardest thing I ever did even if it was right thing to do," I said as his hand brushed my cheek with a gentle love that I felt always down to my spine.

"Gabi," Antonio whispered as his hand left my face.

"I should go now," I said as I stood and tripped over my own feet fell into his arms just like old times.

"Gabi, I…," Antonio started something but I could not stay here and hear the reasons this bad idea again so I gently step out of his reach.

"I'll see you in the morning," I said as I walked quickly out of the chapel. I walked as quickly as I could to the cabin my mind racing. _(Antonio, what was that about, we cannot do this again even if I love you, but are you the same man you were then. Antonio your hand on my face felt wonderful, but we can't relapse.)_ I thought as came into my cabin and saw Meadow waiting for me.

"He knows doesn't he Tia Gabi," Meadow said to me as the door shut behind me.

"Antonio is your Tío and he loves you and so will your Papá if you just give him a chance," I remind Meadow as I check the fire to make sure it's was well stoked so it would keep the cabin warm in the night.

"Why did you tell Father Antonio that we are family," Meadow asked as went to get the big red oak logs that we use to heat cabin at night.

"Because Meadow your only living Abuela may be dying and you have never even met your Papá and you keep judging him by false impressions about him," I told her as she put the log on the fire.

"My Abuela Carmen is dying," She said in comer tone.

"Yes, she has breast cancer; you should prepare yourself Ricardo shall be coming up in a week or so to see Antonio," I answer as I pull her into a hug. "She will want to meet you and Carmen will love you, and so will Ricardo. Carmen has fifty percent chance to make it your Tío Antonio was brought back as precaution only so he could be good son," I told her as let her go.

"I'll try to give Father Antonio a chance," Meadow said as let go of me.

"That's all I ask, now get to bed we have early start," Reminded her.

"Okay, but just because Papá may be coming does not mean I have to talk to him," Meadow finished as walked into the girls room that all six shared.

I walked into my bedroom; and ready myself for bed knowing that weather I like it or not my dreams would be of Antonio as they are most nights. My dreams are comfort on most nights I know they will only bring pain and guilt. As my head hit my pillow the tears come and I cry myself to sleep.

_ Warm winds surround of the Santa Anna's come in from the south as I stand on beach on the far side pier as the sun is setting and the moon is raising on Sunset Beach. Strong arms come around me and warm hands rest on my swollen middle as I stand in wedding dress with pale pink roses embroidered on it and my veil billows below at my feet. "We may have had a late start but it not the end; we have eternity left for us and our family," Antonio said as kissed my shoulder. "So please Gabi don't give up on me," he finished as he turned me around and kissed fully and more passion than he ever did in life. I saw him he did not wear the collar of a priest anymore. "I can't let you give up being a priest for me," I said as he placed kiss on my forehead. "Gabi, I love you, but I did…" _Then I woke up.


End file.
